The following is a blog (of sorts) where I discuss movie-related and site-related thoughts that I can't express within the confines of a normal review.  Some of them may be responses to e-mail I've received, trailers I've seen, or just an overall theme not specific to a movie.  Most of these writings are meant strictly for me, but I do consider them of potential interest to those of you that love movies or are just interested in the running of the site in general.  I welcome any feedback you might have on any of the subjects listed in this (or any other) section of my site.

5/20/2006 -- At last, a real critic has spoken

It always astonishes me how personal some people feel if I give a negative review to a film they enjoy.  For proof, consider this ponderous e-mail I've received from kwazi6@gmail.com:

"FUCK YOU!!! Heist was super! I'd like to smash ur fat face u stupid fag. Get a life."

Interestingly enough, kwazi6 has taken umbrage to a film I have given a middling review to, and a film that received so-so reviews from most other sources, Heist.  Since kwazi6 didn't really go into detail as to just what makes Heist a "super" film, I'll just have to take him at his word that I'm wrong.

Luckily, what he did choose to expound upon is that one review out of 2000 reveals a great deal about me, as well as other that may not regard Heist as "super" as kwazi6. Here are some things I learned through kwazi6's message to me:

People that dislike Heist are stupid.  A quick check to the IMDB reveals that average voters give Heist a 6.4 average out of 10. When I think of a "super" film, I'm thinking a film someone would give an 8 or above in rating to.  Over 75% of all voters have scored Heist below 8.  I'm guessing that kwazi6 must believe that 3/4 of IMDB voters are obviously stupid.

People that dislike Heist are fat.  Sadly, the IMDB voter breakdown does not reveal the body fat percentage of the voters, so I'll have to conclude that the 75% of voters that don't put the film in the "super" category must struggle with obesity, or at least blame David Mamet for their continuing weight problems and take it out on the film with a lower-than-super rating.

People that dislike Heist are gay.  Again, the IMDB neglects to break down their votes based on sexual preference.  Although many sources estimate that 10% of the world's population is homosexual, kwazi6 must think that percentage is really closer to 75%.  It's a wonder how the human population has survived this long with so many same-sex partners.

People that dislike Heist have no life. Apparently, people that dislike a film and can articulate the reasons why are people without lives.  I wonder what this says about people that get angry at others they disagree with, send them e-mails calling them "stupid", "fat", "fag", and "want to smash their face in"?  Apparently the people with lives category, if you ask kwazi6.

Alas, it seems that I have a website for reviewing films and that kwazi6 does not, what with his really crammed life and all.  It's really not fair that kwazi6's superior opinion is not heard, I feel.  So, for you and everyone else that agrees with kwazi6, I offer an olive branch of peace by writing the review of Heist as kwazi6 would write it, were he to have no life and spend his idle time writing reviews (like myself), instead of just reading them and ranting in the wind:

Heist (2001) / Thriller-Drama

MPAA Rated: R for language and some violence
Running Time: 109 min.

Cast: Gene Hackman, Danny Devito, Delroy Lindo, Sam Rockwell, Rebecca Pidgeon
Director:
David Mamet
Screenplay: David Mamet

Dude, I just saw Heist and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!  It's the best movie ever!!  FINALLY, a movie for thin people!!!!  That rules so hard!! 

And it has smarts, so you have to be smart, cuz if your stupid, you won't get it, you RETARD!!!!  HAHA!  David Mamet writes so good, he kicks much ASS!  If I was a fag, I'd totally do him!!  Luckily I'm not a fag though, cuz if I was, I won't have been able to enjoy this SUPER movie!!! Heteros only!

kwazi6's rating:

2006 kwazi m.