Attack Force (2006) / Action-Thriller

MPAA Rated: R for strong violence, language, and some sexuality
Running Time: 94 min.

Cast: Steven Seagal, Mark Dymond, David Kennedy, Matthew Chambers, Adam Croasdell, Ileana Lazariuc
Director: Michael Keusch
Screenplay: Steven Seagal, Joe Halpin
Review published November 26, 2006

Some of you who read my site regularly may occasionally wonder why some bad movie you've seen gets more than one star.  The answer is that one star is my lowest rating, reserved strictly for the films that absolutely disgust, anger, or threaten to put me into a deep sleep throughout.  Everyone knows that Steven Seagal (Submerged, Into the Sun) makes crappy movies, but, astonishingly, I haven't bestowed any I've seen with the lowest rating yet -- that is, until now.

Now, some of you who have seen more Seagal films than I have could probably point out films he's made that are even worse than Attack Force, so don't go writing to me claiming he's done worse in x, y, and z film.  Actually, on second thought, please do write me, as I would like to cross any film off my movie-watching list that might even come close to the sheer disaster that is this film.  I would rather be pummeled in the groin with wrist blades made out of the strongest substance on Earth than sit through this abomination again. 

Seagal stars as Marshall Lawson, who loses his strike team while they are getting some R&R in a hotel room in France (Romania substitutes, inadequately).  Hell-bent on catching the culprits, he goes in to investigate, only to discover there is a dastardly plan about to be hatched that would poison the water supply with a substance known as CTX.  As he digs deeper, Marshall also learns that those funding the operation may hit close to home, while those that have come up with the substance come from as far away from home as possible.

You have to be a real glutton for punishment to even want to attempt a straight-to-video Seagal effort, and I guess if you still consider yourself a huge fan of Seagal's work, you're probably too inured to even be fazed by the sheer crapitude of the worst of Stevie's efforts.  Although supposedly budgeted at about $12 million, one wonders where the money went, as the special effects are cheesy, the action poorly choreographed, and the direction absolutely atrocious.  One of the most annoying aspects among many comes from the very poor overdubbing during some scenes, with about a third of the dialogue delivered for Seagal sounding like Bill Pullman came in and did the voice work for him.

Apparently, the reason why the film is so poor comes from the fact that it was originally intended to be a sci fi-action film with Seagal trying to take down aliens, or in another version he takes on the Eastern European mafia.  Here's why it's important to know what the plot of the film is going to be before you start to roll film.  To be honest with you, I can't even tell you which storyline they eventually settled on, as it is such a botch-up job, he could have been battling just about any faction in the unknown universe and it couldn't have made any less sense than as presented here.

With poor lighting, bad locale work, and Seagal looking more bloated and haggard than ever, this is a DVD that will be put to better use as a coaster or Frisbee.  It might even work in a pinch as a scooper when the cat leaves a little "present" on the living room carpet.  If you somehow get stuck with a copy of this, use this for anything you want EXCEPT for its intended purpose.   Don't be fooled by the generic title; Attack Force should have been rightfully dubbed as Steven Seagal's Greatest Abortion.     

Qwipster's rating:

2006 Vince Leo